Update

It's been a while since I last posted. I attended Felix's one day session in April. It has removed the barrier I had to trying food, I still gag if I try rush food but I have tried things like a Vegetable Curry and a Stuff Hot Pepper, to the amazement of my family. Unfortunately I'm still too lazy to push myself to improve my daily eating habits, I was able to eat the above in a social setting with minimal problems.

The session was well worth the time and money, I don't think I fully engaged as much as I could have but it definitely helped. I just need to push myself to keep trying things enough times till I enjoy them, although I did like the vegetable curry and would like to try it again soon.

Renewed attempt (again!)

After a good December and January, my attempts at trying new things have faltered. The ploughman's sandwich I was trying no longer seems to be available but has been replaced with a wholemeal smaller one. I've never tried wholemeal anything before which only adds to the difficulty of trying. I did, however, try it and managed to swallow a few mouthfuls but it was tricky to keep my mind distracted. My few successes in trying seem to have only come from repetition, relaxation and resolve, I just seem to be lacking them at the moment!

Talking about eating problems

I've found from my personal and other people's experiences that talking openly about your eating problems can be very difficult. Even if you know the person you may feel embarrassed or they may not really be suitably able to deal with the discussion. Talking about issues may not always solve them but can be part of the solution. As previously mentioned, I saw a psychiatrist for many years and although ultimately it did not help directly it did help having a sounding and venting board.

It was only years later, after I had stopped seeing the psychiatrist, that I really begun to appreciate their help in just as separate person to openly talk about anything without the fear of being judged or criticised. I was reminded of this feeling to an extent from the meet up, although not quite the same it did draw many similarities. So I highly recommend finding and talking to someone, be it a friend, colleague or a doctor.

Fear of the approach

I've always avoided social events/things where there was the possibility of food, I'm still wary of them but each time I have tried food (new or otherwise). I'm growing, albeit slowly, in confidence to actually now go to these socials. I still get really nervous but I think, like with getting used to new food, it will go in time.

Try, try, try and try again: Sandwich success

I started trying a sandwich, from Tesco, off and on a while ago, it's called a ploughman (not sure why) but has cheese (tried ok before), lettuce (tried ok before), tomato (tried before not bad not good), onion (tried with other things but unknown) and pickle (never tried, and it looks horrible). The first time I tried it I had to use a lot of orange juice to hide/cover the taste and texture and help it down, actually the first half a dozen tries (a try being a new attempt, each eating a bit more).

My first goal was to just try eat it and not have a gagging sensation, fortunately I did only have one or two minor issues but that was in part thanks to the orange juice helping. Once I got over that I aimed to finish just half the sandwich, it too many times but I worked my way up and now can eat 90% of it. The only problem I have now is the size of it, my body/stomach is not used to the volume but within the week I expect I will be able to finish a complete one.

As I've seen before with the number of tries I've gone from forcing the sandwich down to now actually enjoying it!