New resolution

Although it's before new year's my new resolution is to not let my eating problem be a bigger problem than it is. For too long I've let it dominate my life and hold me back from socialising properly, with my new approach to trying things I'm going to join in things as much as possible.

Some explanations go better than expected

I managed to explain my eating situation without difficulty a few weeks ago, and things went well. I tried a few new foods for the first time, butternut squash risotto and a veggie burger. I managed a good amount of bites and only had minor gagging sensations. I also tried pasta and tomato sauce again but still battle with the volume, only cleared about a third of the plate. I've come to the realisation that I need to push through times when I don't feel/want to try and have a go anyway. It's not been easy but it's nice to see some progress.

Explaining SED to someone you care about

I had a first date the other night and managed to go through the whole evening without eating without a problem for me. But I do know the girl wanted to order (seemed to indicate at first she was hungry but then didn't mention it again) but I suspect didn't because I didn't. I feel bad as I didn't stop her but if I had ordered she would have, I am meeting again soon so know if I am to go through a whole evening I need to order something too. I know I can eat some pasta so am going to try find a place and go there, but the last (and first) time I tried pasta publicly was with a friend so it was a completely different vibe.

Regardless of what happens I know I need to raise the issue of my eating as it's only fair but I don't want it to overshadow things, and my eating is constantly improving (at least trying new things wise). So I've been trying to think for the last day or so how to raise it in a reasonable way that highlights things without being overly dramatic.

Sandwich trying

I was not able to get to a pub to try a proper meal over the weekend. I instead carried on trying the sandwich a few more times. I'm slowly getting used to it now, having a lot less orange juice and the pickle/onion taste is slowly but surely growing on me. I just have to keep slowing my tries down as chewing slowly is not easy when you just want to get it down and over with. I'm still meeting the person but hopefully just for drinks, not sure. Regardless I'm intent on finishing a whole sandwich by the end of the month, tonight I ate half of it.

Change of target

I've changed my current target, not because I'm not achieving the subway challenge. I'm meeting for a meal in a pub next week so need to find a easy to eat pub meal. So that's my weekend challenge.

Levelling out the roller coaster

Day two of my second week of the subway challenge. I was feeling very motivated last night to try again tonight, but during the day my motivation dissipated. By the end of the working day I just felt like going home. Fortunately I've been trying to train myself to push pass this, this training has only been going for a week but thankfully it worked.

So with the first hurdle passed, I thought, it was going to be plain sailing. I arrived at subway where there was a short cue, I noticed they had run out of all but one type of bread. I thought about trying the whole wheat one, but thought better of it. I need to keep things simple to keep things moving. Not a good start, I thought I may catch a bus and go find another branch.

I had to stop by Tesco to pick up some items for a friend and while I was in there I optimistically/determinedly looked around for some "proper" food/meal to try. The first thing I saw was a ploughman's sandwich, I looked at the back and the only thing I hadn't tried before was pickle so I decided to buy it.

I got home and got ready to try, had my orange juice ready like I did yesterday as a taste/texture blogger. My first few bites were fine, all similar to what I had before but I was not sure as to what to expect from the pickle. I certainly would say it didn't look appetising but I ventured on anyway, and it turned out to be alright. I wouldn't say I immediately liked it but I didn't dislike it either. I managed to eat just under half the sandwich, I stopped as the bread was starting to make me feel like gagging. Overall I would it went very well. It's certainly great to try something shop bought that was eatable without too much trouble.

So who knows what tomorrow will bring... I look forward to it now!

Subway challenge continued

Continuing on from last week's subway challenge I will be heading off for a subway try tonight. I really got a strong taste of the olives last night, even though I had not tried one for almost a week! I still would like to know if other people have that or not.

Update: Success, although it involved a lot more work than I thought, I managed to eat half a subway sandwich. I didn't use distraction but I did use orange juice to help swallow and with taste. I really had to motivate myself to even try my first bite but I just reminded myself, inaction will just mean things continue the same. So I am really pleased with the result, hopefully tomorrow I can repeat it and build on this. I think without the distraction the lubrication/taste altering of the orange juice helped.

The rollercoaster ride of trying

It can be very frustrating dealing with the changes in level/desire/ability to try new foods or even retrying previously tried foods. As I said yesterday, I really want to be able to start trying things away from my "safe" home environment. By safe, I mean in privacy where I can throw up and/or not try as I wish.

I have had some successful tries, as previously mentioned, but the main one was a risk and thankfully it went ok. Today I took a go-ahead (cereal bar/yogurt bar with oats) with me as a snack/something to try. I have tried it a few times before but only using distraction. So while on a bus, feeling hungry, I decided to have a go at eating it. The first bite was already and what I had known from the last try, but for some reason the oat flavour/texture was just too much and I had a mini gag reaction. Thankfully I didn't gag and was able to swallow what was in my mouth but it made me stop trying anymore. I don't know, I've had "3" tries outside now, the first was the biggest with pasta, the second easy with a little lettuce (plus unknown stuff) and the last should have been easy. Maybe oats is just going to take me a long time to get used to!?

Losing safe list food(s)

I've read a few stories about people having, or worried about losing, a food on their safe to eat food list. Although I can identify with them, I've had the problem of only ever eating the same thing daily. Although I've tried many things, I've not incorporated them into my daily eating life.

I've come close, a number of times, to losing chocolate, either through changes to taste in bad batches or illness. I've managed to get through these times by eating something before or during eating the bad chocolate. What has surprised/scared (in bad and good ways) me recently has been the feeling of being unable or unwilling to eat just chocolate anymore. In a way I'm glad to have but no so before finding something that I've Incorporated into my daily eating first!

I've already lost some foods from when I was 5 or younger, I used to eat a cereal but for some unknown reason stopped around 5. Hopefully with a sustained effort it will not matter!

Trying food(s) in the war zone

I have always tried new foods when I'm at home alone. I have re-tried things away from home only on a few occasions but that was when I knew what my limits where (when I was likely to gag or not) and with trusting company (not just any friend). I think I need to examine my trying method(s) or develop a new one so I can at least try something new outside of my comfort zone.

I think I've become so accustomed to not trying/having things in public that I don't think about it, even things I know I can eat. This evening while out I had a try of lettuce, which I knew I could eat, and it was fine, although it did have a bit of something else on it, I had no problems eating it. I'm hoping to be able to try something again soon, it's just always easier to plan/aim than do, and it's only through doing than anything is achieved.