New low point

I've reached a new low point (is it possible?) in my "quest" to a achieve eating normality! I have tried helping myself and have got results but nothing near where I would like to be. I have tried psychologist/doctors but have not got any further. The only way I have made any progress is through repeated trying of food with the distraction technique. I just wish I could finally get some help.

Still here

I am still here just have had not much to post about as nothing really has changed. I did contact the producers of Freaky Eaters about getting help but by the time I had done so they had finished the series! I am looking forward to the next series and hoping for some more insights.

Treatments

I have only heard of or encountered a few treatments for my eating condition. The problem is sometimes finding information, many people don't mention eating conditions/problems beyond bulimia and anorexia (which are both very serious and more widespread). Personally I've tried hypnotherapy and have been in hospital for observation but neither have had any major breakthrough. My own personal way for trying new things was discovered by accident, however I'm now trying to apply it in a different way. This method involves distraction, i.e. focusing 100% on something other than eating like watching TV or playing a video game as both can take all concentration.

The problem with the distraction method is if you lose concentration, I've had some of my worst vomiting/throwing up experiences whilst using this technique. The main goal is just to get my body used to the taste and the texture and sort of acclimatise. In the end it has taken many, many, many attempts before something becomes remotely comfortable in my mouth.

Eating problems and social life

Hearing and seeing other people with similar problems has been both comforting and not. I’m amazed at how well they have coped and not let it affect their social life. I know I am probably on the far end of the scale in terms of social skills but it still amazes me. I have always hoped, since I was young, that I would be eating by a certain point, a point that has kept moving, and would then be able to improve/develop my social skills. I am alright in small groups but in groups when I do not know people well I tend to be very quiet but am the complete opposite in groups I know or in one on one situations.

The main examples I am talking about is from the BBC's Freaky Eaters program. I think for them they've just not let it get to them in the same way, I suppose they have accepted their problems a bit better. I am not sure if accepted is the best word as they still want to sort their problems out but an important thing is not letting it stop your left too much, where possible.

Temporarily out of action

I have been temporarily out of posting action due to illness, I picked up a horrible bug over the weekend and its been a tough/long few days of going through the motions of taking medicine and resting. I wonder sometimes when I am ill, whether I caught the illness or the length of it, if its due to some deficiencies in my diet. Its more than likely, but I do try take vitamins supplements but have not seen any real benefits.

The future

I can’t imagine the future properly with or without my eating condition. My life’s main goal is to sort it out as soon as I can. I feel constrained by it, like I can’t grow or mature without being able to at least eat a basic range of food stuffs. After all these years of trying I've still not reached as far as I would like to. The trouble is even the few successes I've had have been short lived as its difficult to repeat them.

The trials of trying

It doesn't take too long sometimes to forget how trying something new or something again can be really horrible. Last night I was trying a salad again and I was able to eat quite a few mouthfu ls before something in it tickled/irritated my throat. I tried without success to stop my automatic reaction of throwing up. Its these incidents that can set me back for a long time but I endeavour to keep trying, but more simpler things.

Try, try, try and try again

I have been trying different food types over and over for as long as I can remember, but I think I really started at about age 16 or so. I didn’t try much before then, as I am extremely self-conscious of myself when trying food and the resulting reaction (vomiting). I can’t even bear trying to think about trying food in front of people, even my family.

What I call my two successful eating attempts, salt & vinegar crisps and plain white bread, took many tries over a year or more. I don’t even remember how many times I put one of the above in my mouth and had to spew it out. Bread was the most frustrating to learn to eat, I can remember every time I managed to swallow it and for it to be brought back up by some bad sensation in my mouth. I found a way of helping me cope while trying something new but it came at a price, a personal cost. I've always felt I would do anything to be able to eat normally I still feel bad about it whenever I using it.

Catch 22

My eating is now at point where my diet, for almost 19 years since aroud age of 5, has consisted 99% of dairy milk chocolate (about 400g-500g a day) and water. There has been little or no variation up until about 1996/1997 where I started eating salt and vinegar crips. I've probably averaged about 150g a day of those since then. Although I've had the eating problem since I was very young (less than a year), I was eating a fairly healthy breakfast but stopped at around age 5 when I got sick and never went back to eating it. I've made progress since then but really its been only small compared to my goal of being able to eat out with other people in a relaxed way.

The catch 22 situation I feel is that I have not made many friends due to me being afraid of their reactions but at the same time I think I would be eating more food types if I went out with friends and encountered food in a average/normal relaxed way.

Other people's stories 2

The BBC recently did a tv series called Freaky Eaters which had a few people who had very similar eating problems to mine. What struck me most was how little their eating problems had effected their social life. For me, mine has caused me to be always shy away from people especially during eating times/meals. I have only had a few friends growing up but none really new about my eating, other than I appeared not to eat much. I would love to be able to go out and not worry about it, but people always remind me about how different I am to them and it always pushes me away.