The rollercoaster ride of trying

It can be very frustrating dealing with the changes in level/desire/ability to try new foods or even retrying previously tried foods. As I said yesterday, I really want to be able to start trying things away from my "safe" home environment. By safe, I mean in privacy where I can throw up and/or not try as I wish.

I have had some successful tries, as previously mentioned, but the main one was a risk and thankfully it went ok. Today I took a go-ahead (cereal bar/yogurt bar with oats) with me as a snack/something to try. I have tried it a few times before but only using distraction. So while on a bus, feeling hungry, I decided to have a go at eating it. The first bite was already and what I had known from the last try, but for some reason the oat flavour/texture was just too much and I had a mini gag reaction. Thankfully I didn't gag and was able to swallow what was in my mouth but it made me stop trying anymore. I don't know, I've had "3" tries outside now, the first was the biggest with pasta, the second easy with a little lettuce (plus unknown stuff) and the last should have been easy. Maybe oats is just going to take me a long time to get used to!?

Losing safe list food(s)

I've read a few stories about people having, or worried about losing, a food on their safe to eat food list. Although I can identify with them, I've had the problem of only ever eating the same thing daily. Although I've tried many things, I've not incorporated them into my daily eating life.

I've come close, a number of times, to losing chocolate, either through changes to taste in bad batches or illness. I've managed to get through these times by eating something before or during eating the bad chocolate. What has surprised/scared (in bad and good ways) me recently has been the feeling of being unable or unwilling to eat just chocolate anymore. In a way I'm glad to have but no so before finding something that I've Incorporated into my daily eating first!

I've already lost some foods from when I was 5 or younger, I used to eat a cereal but for some unknown reason stopped around 5. Hopefully with a sustained effort it will not matter!

Trying food(s) in the war zone

I have always tried new foods when I'm at home alone. I have re-tried things away from home only on a few occasions but that was when I knew what my limits where (when I was likely to gag or not) and with trusting company (not just any friend). I think I need to examine my trying method(s) or develop a new one so I can at least try something new outside of my comfort zone.

I think I've become so accustomed to not trying/having things in public that I don't think about it, even things I know I can eat. This evening while out I had a try of lettuce, which I knew I could eat, and it was fine, although it did have a bit of something else on it, I had no problems eating it. I'm hoping to be able to try something again soon, it's just always easier to plan/aim than do, and it's only through doing than anything is achieved.

Subway week part 2

I did go to Subway on Tuesday and I did try a sub again. It wasn't too bad but I couldn't manage any more amount of bites but I'd say it was a good try. I was surprised by how long I had the taste of olives in my mouth from Monday's attempt, I was still tasting it in my mouth on Tuesday morning!

Alas I did not go last night, due to work deadlines but will strive to go either tonight or tomorrow. I think I'm past the initial shock of the taste and textures, just getting into the acclimatising phase (as I posted before, I've found it has taken dozens of times before I can get used to comfortably eating something).

Try, try, try and try again: Subway

I went to Subway after work. I have been thinking about going and trying a sub again for a long while as the first time was not too bad. I really didn't feel like going but some how made myself go, I somehow reminded myself that prolonging things doesn't help!

So I went in and ordered, with a lot more confidence than my first time, a Veggie Delite sub. It was nice to know what to expect and to answer the questions (although still puzzled as to what half the options, ingredients and sauces are called let alone what they taste like) but was nice to have an answer to the questions, just simply everything on please.

I decided I was going to try it at home as usual and use the old distraction technique while trying it. Although I did make the "mistake" of trying some of the ingredients on their own (mistake in that the olive(s) were pretty strong and nearly put me off trying it any more). The olive and something similar size but different colour, which I later discovered was just a different variety of olive, were very strong and overpowering in their taste. Thankfully I did have some expectations, even if they were half what they should have been, from the last time I tried it but it did seem stronger than before. I managed to try several of the ingredients on their own or with the mayonnaise sauce, I'm still unsure if the mayonnaise is a good idea or not (still need to find out more).

I was finding it hard to pluck up the nerve to try have a proper bite, even though I have before. I decided to change what I was watching as thought better to watch something I hadn't seen before and have a better distraction. My first go at a proper bite only ended up catching bread so wasn't a problem, my second did catch the olives and unsurprisingly was quite something. I can only describe it as feeling like my mouth was on fire. Although it was unpleasant at first I did get used to it. I managed a couple more bites before stopping.

I stopped before I had a problem as the strength and different taste of the olives was still making itself felt and I have learned, the hard way, that it's always best to stop before the gagging sensation. So a successful attempt at eating a "proper" meal. I'm tasking myself to buy and try it everyday this week until I get used to or fed up of it.

Blog title change

I've decided to change the name of my blog from ChocEat, the trouble is I can't decided on what to call it. For the time being it will be "Highs & lows of a non eater" but it may well change. I want to reflect more on what I'm trying to achieve rather than what I am.

Virtual meet ups

An online chat was raised in the meet up as a good way to communciate for people who wanted to attend but couldn't due to distance or timing. Mat has started a topic over at fussy-eaters.com on the idea about an online chat.

Fussy Eaters Forum Meet up

Yesterday I met up with some people from fussy-eaters.com. It was great to finally meet and speak to people who have similar problems / experiences with food. My thanks to Claire (from Adult Picky Eaters) for organising it.

It was really great to be able to have a discussion about an eating problem we all shared to a degree, and for us to have an understanding of it. In the group I did seem to have the smallest range of foods that I could eat but that is not surprising. Although I have tried a lot of things over the years, I've only managed to successfully regularly eat it and that wasn't hard.

It was quite therapeutic to speak openly about something that I try hide and avoid discussing with most people. I was inspired to actually start thinking about setting goals, and not just "I want to eat normally" but small achievable ones.

Getting out of a rut

I've found with new foods, trying them until I like or get used to them is only the half way point. It's too easy to forget and not include new foods in daily or even weekly use. I'm going to set myself reminders/targets to just eat something new everyday for at least a week, going to start small with a snack bar but want to end up soon with a replacement meal. I think I've finally got sick of eating chocolate for every meal, although I still enjoy eating it my body is starting to force me to try different things.

New push

I'm starting a new big push for trying new things. I've also decided to start trying different teas/coffees as I've got into such a rut just not drinking any. I'm aiming to try any different tastes/textures and to keep trying them till I like them or I've tried them 15 times.