Highs & lows of a non eater

Update

2009-06-10T23:15:00.002+01:00

It's been a while since I last posted. I attended Felix's one day session in April. It has removed the barrier I had to trying food, I still gag if I try rush food but I have tried things like a Vegetable Curry and a Stuff Hot Pepper, to the amazement of my family. Unfortunately I'm still too lazy to push myself to improve my daily eating habits, I was able to eat the above in a social setting with minimal problems.

The session was well worth the time and money, I don't think I fully engaged as much as I could have but it definitely helped. I just need to push myself to keep trying things enough times till I enjoy them, although I did like the vegetable curry and would like to try it again soon.

Renewed attempt (again!)

2009-04-06T21:20:00.001+01:00

After a good December and January, my attempts at trying new things have faltered. The ploughman's sandwich I was trying no longer seems to be available but has been replaced with a wholemeal smaller one. I've never tried wholemeal anything before which only adds to the difficulty of trying. I did, however, try it and managed to swallow a few mouthfuls but it was tricky to keep my mind distracted. My few successes in trying seem to have only come from repetition, relaxation and resolve, I just seem to be lacking them at the moment!

Talking about eating problems

2009-01-21T22:50:00.001Z

I've found from my personal and other people's experiences that talking openly about your eating problems can be very difficult. Even if you know the person you may feel embarrassed or they may not really be suitably able to deal with the discussion. Talking about issues may not always solve them but can be part of the solution. As previously mentioned, I saw a psychiatrist for many years and although ultimately it did not help directly it did help having a sounding and venting board.

It was only years later, after I had stopped seeing the psychiatrist, that I really begun to appreciate their help in just as separate person to openly talk about anything without the fear of being judged or criticised. I was reminded of this feeling to an extent from the meet up, although not quite the same it did draw many similarities. So I highly recommend finding and talking to someone, be it a friend, colleague or a doctor.

Fear of the approach

2009-01-14T20:12:00.000Z

I've always avoided social events/things where there was the possibility of food, I'm still wary of them but each time I have tried food (new or otherwise). I'm growing, albeit slowly, in confidence to actually now go to these socials. I still get really nervous but I think, like with getting used to new food, it will go in time.

Try, try, try and try again: Sandwich success

2009-01-12T21:01:00.003Z

I started trying a sandwich, from Tesco, off and on a while ago, it's called a ploughman (not sure why) but has cheese (tried ok before), lettuce (tried ok before), tomato (tried before not bad not good), onion (tried with other things but unknown) and pickle (never tried, and it looks horrible). The first time I tried it I had to use a lot of orange juice to hide/cover the taste and texture and help it down, actually the first half a dozen tries (a try being a new attempt, each eating a bit more).

My first goal was to just try eat it and not have a gagging sensation, fortunately I did only have one or two minor issues but that was in part thanks to the orange juice helping. Once I got over that I aimed to finish just half the sandwich, it too many times but I worked my way up and now can eat 90% of it. The only problem I have now is the size of it, my body/stomach is not used to the volume but within the week I expect I will be able to finish a complete one.

As I've seen before with the number of tries I've gone from forcing the sandwich down to now actually enjoying it!

New resolution

2008-12-27T10:20:00.000Z

Although it's before new year's my new resolution is to not let my eating problem be a bigger problem than it is. For too long I've let it dominate my life and hold me back from socialising properly, with my new approach to trying things I'm going to join in things as much as possible.

Some explanations go better than expected

2008-12-26T10:14:00.003Z

I managed to explain my eating situation without difficulty a few weeks ago, and things went well. I tried a few new foods for the first time, butternut squash risotto and a veggie burger. I managed a good amount of bites and only had minor gagging sensations. I also tried pasta and tomato sauce again but still battle with the volume, only cleared about a third of the plate. I've come to the realisation that I need to push through times when I don't feel/want to try and have a go anyway. It's not been easy but it's nice to see some progress.

Explaining SED to someone you care about

2008-12-04T13:16:00.002Z

I had a first date the other night and managed to go through the whole evening without eating without a problem for me. But I do know the girl wanted to order (seemed to indicate at first she was hungry but then didn't mention it again) but I suspect didn't because I didn't. I feel bad as I didn't stop her but if I had ordered she would have, I am meeting again soon so know if I am to go through a whole evening I need to order something too. I know I can eat some pasta so am going to try find a place and go there, but the last (and first) time I tried pasta publicly was with a friend so it was a completely different vibe.

Regardless of what happens I know I need to raise the issue of my eating as it's only fair but I don't want it to overshadow things, and my eating is constantly improving (at least trying new things wise). So I've been trying to think for the last day or so how to raise it in a reasonable way that highlights things without being overly dramatic.

Sandwich trying

2008-12-01T22:17:00.005Z

I was not able to get to a pub to try a proper meal over the weekend. I instead carried on trying the sandwich a few more times. I'm slowly getting used to it now, having a lot less orange juice and the pickle/onion taste is slowly but surely growing on me. I just have to keep slowing my tries down as chewing slowly is not easy when you just want to get it down and over with. I'm still meeting the person but hopefully just for drinks, not sure. Regardless I'm intent on finishing a whole sandwich by the end of the month, tonight I ate half of it.

Change of target

2008-11-28T13:16:00.002Z

I've changed my current target, not because I'm not achieving the subway challenge. I'm meeting for a meal in a pub next week so need to find a easy to eat pub meal. So that's my weekend challenge.

Levelling out the roller coaster

2008-11-26T18:32:00.003Z

Day two of my second week of the subway challenge. I was feeling very motivated last night to try again tonight, but during the day my motivation dissipated. By the end of the working day I just felt like going home. Fortunately I've been trying to train myself to push pass this, this training has only been going for a week but thankfully it worked.

So with the first hurdle passed, I thought, it was going to be plain sailing. I arrived at subway where there was a short cue, I noticed they had run out of all but one type of bread. I thought about trying the whole wheat one, but thought better of it. I need to keep things simple to keep things moving. Not a good start, I thought I may catch a bus and go find another branch.

I had to stop by Tesco to pick up some items for a friend and while I was in there I optimistically/determinedly looked around for some "proper" food/meal to try. The first thing I saw was a ploughman's sandwich, I looked at the back and the only thing I hadn't tried before was pickle so I decided to buy it.

I got home and got ready to try, had my orange juice ready like I did yesterday as a taste/texture blogger. My first few bites were fine, all similar to what I had before but I was not sure as to what to expect from the pickle. I certainly would say it didn't look appetising but I ventured on anyway, and it turned out to be alright. I wouldn't say I immediately liked it but I didn't dislike it either. I managed to eat just under half the sandwich, I stopped as the bread was starting to make me feel like gagging. Overall I would it went very well. It's certainly great to try something shop bought that was eatable without too much trouble.

So who knows what tomorrow will bring... I look forward to it now!

Subway challenge continued

2008-11-25T14:00:00.007Z

Continuing on from last week's subway challenge I will be heading off for a subway try tonight. I really got a strong taste of the olives last night, even though I had not tried one for almost a week! I still would like to know if other people have that or not.

Update: Success, although it involved a lot more work than I thought, I managed to eat half a subway sandwich. I didn't use distraction but I did use orange juice to help swallow and with taste. I really had to motivate myself to even try my first bite but I just reminded myself, inaction will just mean things continue the same. So I am really pleased with the result, hopefully tomorrow I can repeat it and build on this. I think without the distraction the lubrication/taste altering of the orange juice helped.

The rollercoaster ride of trying

2008-11-22T14:33:00.002Z

It can be very frustrating dealing with the changes in level/desire/ability to try new foods or even retrying previously tried foods. As I said yesterday, I really want to be able to start trying things away from my "safe" home environment. By safe, I mean in privacy where I can throw up and/or not try as I wish.

I have had some successful tries, as previously mentioned, but the main one was a risk and thankfully it went ok. Today I took a go-ahead (cereal bar/yogurt bar with oats) with me as a snack/something to try. I have tried it a few times before but only using distraction. So while on a bus, feeling hungry, I decided to have a go at eating it. The first bite was already and what I had known from the last try, but for some reason the oat flavour/texture was just too much and I had a mini gag reaction. Thankfully I didn't gag and was able to swallow what was in my mouth but it made me stop trying anymore. I don't know, I've had "3" tries outside now, the first was the biggest with pasta, the second easy with a little lettuce (plus unknown stuff) and the last should have been easy. Maybe oats is just going to take me a long time to get used to!?

Losing safe list food(s)

2008-11-21T19:08:00.002Z

I've read a few stories about people having, or worried about losing, a food on their safe to eat food list. Although I can identify with them, I've had the problem of only ever eating the same thing daily. Although I've tried many things, I've not incorporated them into my daily eating life.

I've come close, a number of times, to losing chocolate, either through changes to taste in bad batches or illness. I've managed to get through these times by eating something before or during eating the bad chocolate. What has surprised/scared (in bad and good ways) me recently has been the feeling of being unable or unwilling to eat just chocolate anymore. In a way I'm glad to have but no so before finding something that I've Incorporated into my daily eating first!

I've already lost some foods from when I was 5 or younger, I used to eat a cereal but for some unknown reason stopped around 5. Hopefully with a sustained effort it will not matter!

Trying food(s) in the war zone

2008-11-21T00:06:00.000Z

I have always tried new foods when I'm at home alone. I have re-tried things away from home only on a few occasions but that was when I knew what my limits where (when I was likely to gag or not) and with trusting company (not just any friend). I think I need to examine my trying method(s) or develop a new one so I can at least try something new outside of my comfort zone.

I think I've become so accustomed to not trying/having things in public that I don't think about it, even things I know I can eat. This evening while out I had a try of lettuce, which I knew I could eat, and it was fine, although it did have a bit of something else on it, I had no problems eating it. I'm hoping to be able to try something again soon, it's just always easier to plan/aim than do, and it's only through doing than anything is achieved.

Subway week part 2

2008-11-20T08:19:00.003Z

I did go to Subway on Tuesday and I did try a sub again. It wasn't too bad but I couldn't manage any more amount of bites but I'd say it was a good try. I was surprised by how long I had the taste of olives in my mouth from Monday's attempt, I was still tasting it in my mouth on Tuesday morning!

Alas I did not go last night, due to work deadlines but will strive to go either tonight or tomorrow. I think I'm past the initial shock of the taste and textures, just getting into the acclimatising phase (as I posted before, I've found it has taken dozens of times before I can get used to comfortably eating something).

Try, try, try and try again: Subway

2008-11-17T18:52:00.005Z

I went to Subway after work. I have been thinking about going and trying a sub again for a long while as the first time was not too bad. I really didn't feel like going but some how made myself go, I somehow reminded myself that prolonging things doesn't help!

So I went in and ordered, with a lot more confidence than my first time, a Veggie Delite sub. It was nice to know what to expect and to answer the questions (although still puzzled as to what half the options, ingredients and sauces are called let alone what they taste like) but was nice to have an answer to the questions, just simply everything on please.

I decided I was going to try it at home as usual and use the old distraction technique while trying it. Although I did make the "mistake" of trying some of the ingredients on their own (mistake in that the olive(s) were pretty strong and nearly put me off trying it any more). The olive and something similar size but different colour, which I later discovered was just a different variety of olive, were very strong and overpowering in their taste. Thankfully I did have some expectations, even if they were half what they should have been, from the last time I tried it but it did seem stronger than before. I managed to try several of the ingredients on their own or with the mayonnaise sauce, I'm still unsure if the mayonnaise is a good idea or not (still need to find out more).

I was finding it hard to pluck up the nerve to try have a proper bite, even though I have before. I decided to change what I was watching as thought better to watch something I hadn't seen before and have a better distraction. My first go at a proper bite only ended up catching bread so wasn't a problem, my second did catch the olives and unsurprisingly was quite something. I can only describe it as feeling like my mouth was on fire. Although it was unpleasant at first I did get used to it. I managed a couple more bites before stopping.

I stopped before I had a problem as the strength and different taste of the olives was still making itself felt and I have learned, the hard way, that it's always best to stop before the gagging sensation. So a successful attempt at eating a "proper" meal. I'm tasking myself to buy and try it everyday this week until I get used to or fed up of it.

Blog title change

2008-11-17T18:15:00.000Z

I've decided to change the name of my blog from ChocEat, the trouble is I can't decided on what to call it. For the time being it will be "Highs & lows of a non eater" but it may well change. I want to reflect more on what I'm trying to achieve rather than what I am.

Virtual meet ups

2008-11-17T13:32:00.002Z

An online chat was raised in the meet up as a good way to communciate for people who wanted to attend but couldn't due to distance or timing. Mat has started a topic over at fussy-eaters.com on the idea about an online chat.

Fussy Eaters Forum Meet up

2008-11-16T00:07:00.008Z

Yesterday I met up with some people from fussy-eaters.com. It was great to finally meet and speak to people who have similar problems / experiences with food. My thanks to Claire (from Adult Picky Eaters) for organising it.

It was really great to be able to have a discussion about an eating problem we all shared to a degree, and for us to have an understanding of it. In the group I did seem to have the smallest range of foods that I could eat but that is not surprising. Although I have tried a lot of things over the years, I've only managed to successfully regularly eat it and that wasn't hard.

It was quite therapeutic to speak openly about something that I try hide and avoid discussing with most people. I was inspired to actually start thinking about setting goals, and not just "I want to eat normally" but small achievable ones.

Getting out of a rut

2008-11-09T23:46:00.003Z

I've found with new foods, trying them until I like or get used to them is only the half way point. It's too easy to forget and not include new foods in daily or even weekly use. I'm going to set myself reminders/targets to just eat something new everyday for at least a week, going to start small with a snack bar but want to end up soon with a replacement meal. I think I've finally got sick of eating chocolate for every meal, although I still enjoy eating it my body is starting to force me to try different things.

New push

2008-11-05T21:52:00.002Z

I'm starting a new big push for trying new things. I've also decided to start trying different teas/coffees as I've got into such a rut just not drinking any. I'm aiming to try any different tastes/textures and to keep trying them till I like them or I've tried them 15 times.

Tips for trying new foods

2008-10-28T22:48:00.002Z

I've found a few things over the years that have helped me try new things. The first is ensuring I have had a little bit of water/something to drink before trying so my throat isn't too dry. I've also found relaxing helps, e.g. listening to relaxing music or just take a few minutes to breathe, tension/added stress never helps. Another important thing I've realised is that the first time I try something is to not let the goal be to eat it but to just get a sample of it, e.g. it's taste or just it's texture. That I've found helps me register it, and especially a sample of it's taste can make me think of it a few days later and try again.

I used to find strong distraction an important technique but have stopped using it in the last few months as it's only helpful to me in a limited area so learning to be able to relax has become more important. I've also had to learn to chew things properly and slowly as with what I normally eat I can half chew it and not have a problem.

What works for you, I'd be interested to hear you tips and techniques.

First time eating in a restaurant

2008-10-20T14:32:00.000+01:00

I had my first meal in a restaurant last week. After quite a lot of encouragement from a friend I went out to a restaurant for my first ever meal. It was very strange looking at a menu looking for something to order, specifically chose a place serving pasta as that's what I've tried at home.

The restaurant was nice and quiet so there was little pressure. There were two options I thought I'd go for. The first was Pasta with Tomato Sauce, the second was Pasta with Tomato Sauce, Chili, Red Pepper and Garlic. I went for the second option. The chili certainly had a kick but I was able to eat a enough mouthfuls to feel "full" and thankfully it went well. I did almost gag a bit at the end but it was not strong enough to not overcome. I'm almost looking forward to the next time.

Self Help Support Group for Selective Eaters Meet Up

2008-10-18T21:48:00.002+01:00

Claire has posted about a meet up on the Fussy Eaters forum. Read the message for further information - http://www.fussy-eaters.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=562

Cereal bars

2008-10-08T22:17:00.000+01:00

I've looked at cereal bars as something considered healthy yet less challenging to try that a full meal. I tried and got used to Kellog's Nutri-gran, although never really enjoyed it but can eat the apple and raspberry one's no problem, I tried the blueberry but it felt too much like chewing gum flavour. Although not based on any scientific data they don't seem that healthy, but I'm not sure but it is obviously a lot more healthy than a chocolate bar.

Although it was good to be able to eat a Nutri-gran bar I wanted to eat a "proper" cereal bar. For a long time I have felt a big wish to go for a decent long trail hike, i.e. several days and nights in nothing more than a tent or basic hut not a b&b or hotel/hostel. My wish is to not take any chocolate or pringles and to eat soups, cereal bars and things that traditionally is made and carried by hikers. Although I don't have any friends yet to do it with, I'm hoping to have some by the time I reach the eating goal side of it. I fondly remember hiking as a kid and the excitement of being in the wild for 4 or 5 days was great and I miss that, just want to have independence from my food.

Subway

2008-09-16T12:57:00.000+01:00

I've thought about trying something at Subway for a long time. I find it daunting to go into food places/restaurants as I feel stupid for not knowing much (or anything at all). I've bought McDonalds before from a drive through but have only ended up actually trying their fries/chips.

A few weeks ago I ventured in, after many times just looking in and turning back. I went to the counter and looked at the menu (for what felt like an enternity), I focused on the veggie delite as I'm still weary of trying meat based food (not because I feel I'm a vegetarian as I occasioanlly eat a beef oxo cube). I was surprised at the questions/options, I stumbled my way though feeling embarassed but go out feeling not too bad at the end. I made the mistake of taking the toasted option as by the time I got home it was cold and hard, so I didn't really try it, but did try a few of the ingridents, not sure what they are but they weren't too bad (purple small round things). I felt good at going in, ordering and getting out of there, that itself felt like an accomplishment.

Retaining focus

2008-09-15T08:13:00.000+01:00

It's easy to forget what I'm trying to achieve sometimes. I try to focus on heathly foods as my target for trying new foods, but I have to remind myself that almost anything is healthier than chocolate and crips. I want to eat a wider range of foods not only for health, but mainly to be more socialable.

Trying to try

2008-09-13T12:57:00.005+01:00

For me trying foods (new or old) ranges from the worst possible experience through to the greatest. The euphoric feeling when it goes well is hard to explain, but even with that great feeling trying stuff is hard. Although I have now go to the point of being able to eat a simple mixed salad, if I'm not careful I can still gag and throw up. Even pringles which I have been eating for 10 years can get stuck in my throat, and although it happens now and again, it's still the single most scary thing that has happened to me, feeling like I'm going to die. I've have found that it happens when I've not drank enough water and eat too quickly. The good thing is now I can eat salad, I just have to get used to it's taste which is very different from the other things I eat.

A real documentary

2008-09-13T08:30:00.001+01:00

I think a proper documentary about teenagers/adults with SED/Food Neophobia should be made. The programs that have been done so far have focused on children or as reality entertainment, I think a program showing the struggles and how people survive and battle their SED would be good for people who suffer in silence. It would also help to raise the attention of the problem and have people gain more understanding. Does anyone agree, not asking for people to appear on it as I'm not making one, but maybe you could share you story either in a comment here or email me (bauc at yahoo.com).

New food

2008-07-05T17:40:00.003+01:00

It's been a long while now since I've tried something new, even longer since I've tried something and was able to eat it without any so called methods (distraction/etc). Today I bought a shop sandwich which had cheese, spring onion, mayonnaise and lettuce. While it may not seem much I was able to eat half the sandwich without any problems which is a major achievement for me. While the taste was fairly strong and new to me I can't say I love it, but can't say I dislike it!

Documentary: My Child Won't Eat

2008-07-03T23:09:00.000+01:00

I recently watched a documentary on ITV1 called My Child Won't Eat. It revolved around 3 familes with children at varies ages having eating problems. It introduced child psychologist Dr Gillian Harris, who has different methods to most other doctors, by telling parents not to force their kids and to try relax around meals/food.

While I found the program interesting I don't think the eating problems show were that similar to mine. My problem has not been in lack of trying, but lack of ability to not gag on the food going down. However I'm glad to see the program being shown as all increases in awareness about eating problems is good.

Quiet downtimes

2008-06-19T23:07:00.002+01:00

I've barely tried anything or thought much about my eating for the past month or so. I've noticed my trying goes through cycles of intense trying and then the demotivating period and then nothing, hopefully it will pick up again soon as I really want to be eating new things just don't want to be gagging on things though.

Cheese on toast

2008-04-17T20:01:00.001+01:00

I tried cheese on toast for the first time the other day, I was quite surprised that I found it alright. I can't say I found it tasted of much more than the bread, I just had cheddar with toast but it was alright. I ate half the toasted sandwich, didn't want to push too far in one go, but am going to try again soon. It's great to try something without too much fuss even if its not healthy.

Help with SED

2008-04-13T23:02:00.000+01:00

When I was younger after been sent to many doctors who couldn't work out what my problem was or whether I really had one, one doctor told my parents I must be secretly eating things out of the fridge at night, I was sent to several psychologists. The last one I went to, who was the one I was with the longest was probably the best by a long way. Although I didn't necessarily appreciate it at the time it was a great place to talk about my life/problem so openly, it was with them that I've told things I've never anyone else. I eventually stopped going as I felt it was a waste of time, but looking back it wasn't and wished I hadn't. Although I moved a long way now I would take up a session in an instant, maybe I was just lucky to have someone who was understanding.

I think for people who hide their eating habits a lot, they can benefit from speaking to someone who is disconnected from their circumstances and can offer a fresh/different perspective.

Different foods

2008-04-10T20:11:00.002+01:00

I find it strange how I react quite differently to foods, for example I've managed to eat carrot and lettuce fine but am really struggling to just get a little bit of fine porridge down. I am trying to try understand why but haven't been able to.

It may just be different expectations, I expected the fine porridge to be easier as I've had it quite watery (milky) whereas carrots I didn't expect to even like let alone swallow. I really need to start eating a better breakfast but finding a cereal is proving to be a greater challenge than I thought it would be, strange considering I thought salads would be harder!

Socialising

2008-04-08T19:19:00.001+01:00

Whenever I've been invited to anything that may involve food I've always declined or found an excuse. However this has led to a lack of meaningful socialising. Since I've started to tell people about my eating I've come to realise that learning to get used to people around food may be a challenge all on its own. I wish I hadn't got so bad, but I find trying new food on my own easier than being around people with food, but I seriously want to change so am going on a work meal next month that I originally declined but am nervous to say the least.

Salad

2008-04-07T20:16:00.003+01:00

I've been trying salads for a while as buying a mixed bag from the shop is quick and easy to try. But I've found it not necessarily easier, buying the separate ingredients and trying them has been a bit easier the the quality has been better. I've found I can eat carrot and lettuce easily enough but cucumber has been more tricky, I had my first piece of celery but am quite undecided. Celery was quite different to what I thought it may be, but along with cucumber I'll keep trying and hope to get used to it.

An interesting theory

2008-03-27T20:10:00.003Z

I was about to post a reply to a comment about a theory relating to SED but decided to post here.

I think its interesting and relevant to many people. However I don't think it relates to me personally as I don't have a problem with liking things, my problem has been a sensitivity to swallowing things. Although I've only "discovered" SED as a definition I think it covers a wide range of problems relating to eating. I think its important to work out what may be the cause of the problem, i.e. problems like Dysphagia/etc.

Attitude to other peoples' reactions

2008-03-26T22:23:00.001Z

I have been amazed at how other people can seemingly not let their SED effect the life as much as it has mine. I have always hidden my eating problems away from people as much as possible. But seeing other people on Freaky Eaters or posting on websites about how they socialise and lead what appears to be closer to "normal" lives, amazes me.

After hiding my problem for so many years and being tired of stuck at home on my own I decided to start telling people about my problem. It's not been easy as there is not always a convenient time or place to properly explain things so I have had mixed reactions.

Chocolate and me

2008-03-25T19:54:00.000Z

Following on from Claire's post about chocolate I thought I will explain the name of this blog. My main diet since I was around age 5 has been plain chocolate. Most days I eat nothing else, although about 9 years ago I started eating salt and vinegar pringles (crisps) after trying them for many months. Chocolate is different as I've not found anything to replace it, I eat about 400g a day and sometimes more. I don't eat anything else on a daily or even weekly basis, which is what I started this blog for, to help change that.

Try, try, try and try again 2

2008-03-23T20:08:00.003Z

I've recently re-started trying salads, it has been made tougher as I've bought different types, one including red cabage which has a strongish taste and although red, it turns water blue. I can eat it on its own but will have to try it a few times to get used to it properly. I've been buying ready prepared mixed salads from the shops as although I can buy and prepare a salad, I just know the amount of times I have and will need to try, will just take too much time.

Thankfully I have managed to eat a whole portion of a mixed salad containing iceberg lettuce, carrot, cabbage and cos. I have eaten lettuce and carrot separately several times but the cabbage/cos was tricky and made me gag several times. Fortunately now I've got used to the textures and flavours and so was able to finish a portion.

I have lost count of the times I have tried the above but it just shows how it can take many times to try things and get used to it.

How SED has controlled my life

2008-02-28T19:20:00.000Z

I can say with a great amount of certainty that SED has controlled my life. I know I would not be living in the city where I am and that I wouldn't be working in the job I am. That's not to say I hate my life, but it's to say I'm unhappy at how much I've left it effect it. I wish I could be like others who live a more "normal" life.

My goal is to be able to eat a basic enough meal(s) to be able to socialise with people and not having to constantly avoid people/events.

Explaining myself to others

2008-02-27T20:22:00.000Z

It's amazing how often I find I have to explain why I'm not eating (something or anything at all) to others. Some people can quickly pick up on that I've never eaten anything in front of them. The trouble is that at a previous place I worked for I only ever at Nutrigrans in front of people and so some thought that's all I could eat. Although I can eat Nutrigrans, I've never become too fond of them so only use them as my "something" to eat in front of people.

I can understand it's difficult for people who don't have SED to understand but it's harder to explain.

Freaky Eaters series 2

2008-02-26T19:24:00.000Z

I just got a chance to watch the first episode in Freaky Eaters series 2. I can't say I'm impressed. I was quite annoyed at their tactics. Most people with SED/eating problems will do anything they can to solve their problem, I know I need no motivation to change and would do anything to. The only thing I agreed with was that you have to keep trying, the only things I can eat comfortably now are things I've tried dozens or even hundreds of times. You can see parts of the show at youtube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ugDIPg0-1k4&feature=user

Other people's stories 4

2008-02-25T18:23:00.001Z

Adult Picky Eaters UK is a blog by Claire. If you haven't seen it, I defintely recommend you give it a read. http://adultpickyeatersuk.wordpress.com/

Meeting new people

2008-02-22T20:30:00.005Z

I recently started a new job and already having decisions to make on what or how much to say about my eating. I try to ignore things relating to food but it's not easy and something I wish I didn't do as much.

The team I'm in is having a night out next week but I go out of it being new. It's not that I don't want to go out with them but considering it's going to be an evening of food and alcohol, two things I don't do well with, it's not nice. I said I didn't drink alcohol when asked a direct question so they said they'll have to organise a night out at the greyhounds. That's not really any easier for me, but I want to mix with them so am trying to see if I can explain my SED before then and hopefully go...

Relationships and SED

2008-02-21T19:05:00.000Z

Relationships for many people with SED can be really difficult and challenging, be it with family, friends or others (girl/boyfriends, spouses/etc).

My family have been good in trying to help my eating problem, but for the most part they don't know what to do/how to handle it, something I can't blame them as its never easy. I've only ever told a few friends, I've always tended to keep it a secret to avoid being embarrestment and questions. I've avoided girls even more, especially around food as I'm natually shy and rejection is bad enough without the food problem. I'm starting to make an effort to tell people and not let it get in the way, but it's a lot more difficult than it sounds.

I've recently been reading on http://www.fussy-eaters.com/ (and seen on Freaky Eaters) people who don't hide their problem and have a lot more "normal" social lives. I wish its something I could be more open with, and I'm trying to, but its always difficult to raise the issue in the best possible way.

Letting people know

2008-02-20T20:37:00.001Z

For most of my life I've always tried to hide my eating problem, as previously mentioned, due to people's reactions. In the last few years I've tried, when possible, to raise the issue and let people know about my eating but it's really difficult. It feels like I'm handing people a gun full with ammunition with which to shoot me!

Growing up I was sent to numerous doctors and psychologists to try help my problem. The last one I went to said that I would start eating or have to come to terms with it, which I believe is correct. I also thinking coming to terms with it is important in the process of overcoming it. I sometimes wonder if I enjoy having this "secret" and if I ate normally would I lose a defining part of who I am..

Other people's stories 3

2008-02-19T18:41:00.000Z

Through searching for more information on Freaky Eaters I found out about SED, fussy eaters and several other sites. I came across an article written by a Times journalist about her fussy eating. Its an interesting read, http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/body_and_soul/article1394681.ece

Why people with SED suffer in silence

2008-02-18T19:18:00.000Z

Most people with SED tend not to tell people about their condition/problem due to people's understanding. I go to great lengths to avoid people finding out, as I fear isolation and people's reactions. It's really hard to keep coming up with excuses, but that always seems to be a lot easier than explaining the problem to people properly.

You only need to look at shows like Freaky Eaters to see the language they use, to describe the show and the programmes I'm not sure if its a lack of understanding or a deliberate attempt but it can cause problems by labelling people without necessarily helping. Like many things there's big pros and cons to both telling and shows like Freaky Eaters.

Excuses to avoid embarssement

2008-02-15T18:11:00.000Z

I came across Picky Eating Adults website's article on excuses to avoid embrassing yourself or eating something you know you can't. It made me laugh thinking about when I've used some of them myself, but it almost made me sad and angry. It's amazing (actually quite shocking) how many people have to suffer without getting help and have to use theses reasons/excuses daily.

Isolation

2008-02-14T21:12:00.003Z

It's amazing how food can be a divisive and isolating thing. When you aren't able to eat, what most would consider, normal foods people then tend to think of you as strange or abnormal. People can give very different reactions, I've told very few people directly (many find out indirectly so don't know their immediate reactions). They usually fall into three categories:

They don't know what to do with the information and just don't say anything
They think you're strange or weird
They have had eating problems of their own and are fairly understanding

I've tended to speak most to two people who fell into the third category, my closet friend fell into the first and fortunately only a few people I didn't now fell into the second. I know it's difficult for people who have not experienced the problem to fully understand but I think for many people, myself included, our lives would have been a lot easier and we would probably be eating a greater variety of foods.

What's in a name

2008-02-13T20:15:00.000Z

In previous posts I've tried to give a name to my eating problem, I've never had an "official" name for it, but then have never wanted more than a cure. Wikipedia has an article on SED (Selective Eating Disorder - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Selective_eating_disorder). I'm not sure if I fit under it totally but then again I've not be able to successfully eat most things. I don't like the term fussy eater either but its more applicable than saying eating problem/disorder as that tends to link to other things (Anorexia and Bulimia).

Freaky Eaters series 2

2008-02-12T22:19:00.000Z

I saw in a post on fussy-eaters.com that series 2 of Freaky Eaters is starting this week, it contains 9 programmes. Its website has more information, http://www.bbc.co.uk/bbcthree/programmes/freaky_eaters.

Fussy-eaters.com

2008-02-11T21:25:00.000Z

I stumbled on http://www.fussy-eaters.com/ today while searching today, I was both very surprised and happy to find a forum with people with similar eating problems. Its been around for over a year now. I'm glad more and more information and discussion is taking place now on the internet.

Small achievements

2008-02-10T21:40:00.000Z

Although I can now eat significant parts of food like bananas, apples, pasta w/t tomato sauce and other stuff I am still frustrated that I am still unable to eat a basic meal that I could eat outside of my flat.

The biggest problem for me is learning to cook. Even simple meals tend to require some sort of preparation, I have tried learning from books/internet/TV and the like but I don't even know most of the basics and it’s not like I even know what the end result should taste like! I've searched around for private cooking courses but I've had no luck, the closet I've found is in London but even then it tends to be for specifics rather than basics.

Phases

2008-02-08T22:36:00.000Z

Its been a long while since I last posted on here, but I've not had anything new to say. I've gone through several "phases", meaning going through bursts of really wanting to try new food then not wanting to touch anything. These phases have always been, some are stronger (both in wanting to try and not wanting to) than others.

I know there are many types of problems, phobias, etc but I don't think a lot of people know how difficult it is for some people to just try something as simple as an apple or a bananna.

Freaky eaters

2007-11-10T18:55:00.000Z

I forgot to mention that I contacted the producers of Freaky Eaters about going on the program but unfortunately was told they were already close to the end of production of the series.

I've not heard or seen anything about when its going to be shown. I contacted them to see if they knew but have not heard anything back.

Although I would be embarresed going on TV it would probably be good to just "let it all out" and actually get some help. Since I watched the first series I considered starting a website for people with similar eating problems, but never got around to it, that's sort of what this blog is supposed to be. I started it as there is little information that I could find about eating problems other than Bulimia and Anorexia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Eating_disorders).

New low point

2007-10-06T23:38:00.000+01:00

I've reached a new low point (is it possible?) in my "quest" to a achieve eating normality! I have tried helping myself and have got results but nothing near where I would like to be. I have tried psychologist/doctors but have not got any further. The only way I have made any progress is through repeated trying of food with the distraction technique. I just wish I could finally get some help.

Still here

2007-10-03T12:47:00.000+01:00

I am still here just have had not much to post about as nothing really has changed. I did contact the producers of Freaky Eaters about getting help but by the time I had done so they had finished the series! I am looking forward to the next series and hoping for some more insights.

Treatments

2007-06-16T00:10:00.000+01:00

I have only heard of or encountered a few treatments for my eating condition. The problem is sometimes finding information, many people don't mention eating conditions/problems beyond bulimia and anorexia (which are both very serious and more widespread). Personally I've tried hypnotherapy and have been in hospital for observation but neither have had any major breakthrough. My own personal way for trying new things was discovered by accident, however I'm now trying to apply it in a different way. This method involves distraction, i.e. focusing 100% on something other than eating like watching TV or playing a video game as both can take all concentration.

The problem with the distraction method is if you lose concentration, I've had some of my worst vomiting/throwing up experiences whilst using this technique. The main goal is just to get my body used to the taste and the texture and sort of acclimatise. In the end it has taken many, many, many attempts before something becomes remotely comfortable in my mouth.

Eating problems and social life

2007-06-14T20:13:00.000+01:00

Hearing and seeing other people with similar problems has been both comforting and not. I’m amazed at how well they have coped and not let it affect their social life. I know I am probably on the far end of the scale in terms of social skills but it still amazes me. I have always hoped, since I was young, that I would be eating by a certain point, a point that has kept moving, and would then be able to improve/develop my social skills. I am alright in small groups but in groups when I do not know people well I tend to be very quiet but am the complete opposite in groups I know or in one on one situations.

The main examples I am talking about is from the BBC's Freaky Eaters program. I think for them they've just not let it get to them in the same way, I suppose they have accepted their problems a bit better. I am not sure if accepted is the best word as they still want to sort their problems out but an important thing is not letting it stop your left too much, where possible.

Temporarily out of action

2007-06-13T17:13:00.001+01:00

I have been temporarily out of posting action due to illness, I picked up a horrible bug over the weekend and its been a tough/long few days of going through the motions of taking medicine and resting. I wonder sometimes when I am ill, whether I caught the illness or the length of it, if its due to some deficiencies in my diet. Its more than likely, but I do try take vitamins supplements but have not seen any real benefits.

The future

2007-06-10T21:36:00.000+01:00

I can’t imagine the future properly with or without my eating condition. My life’s main goal is to sort it out as soon as I can. I feel constrained by it, like I can’t grow or mature without being able to at least eat a basic range of food stuffs. After all these years of trying I've still not reached as far as I would like to. The trouble is even the few successes I've had have been short lived as its difficult to repeat them.

The trials of trying

2007-06-09T19:00:00.000+01:00

It doesn't take too long sometimes to forget how trying something new or something again can be really horrible. Last night I was trying a salad again and I was able to eat quite a few mouthfu ls before something in it tickled/irritated my throat. I tried without success to stop my automatic reaction of throwing up. Its these incidents that can set me back for a long time but I endeavour to keep trying, but more simpler things.

Try, try, try and try again

2007-06-08T19:34:00.000+01:00

I have been trying different food types over and over for as long as I can remember, but I think I really started at about age 16 or so. I didn’t try much before then, as I am extremely self-conscious of myself when trying food and the resulting reaction (vomiting). I can’t even bear trying to think about trying food in front of people, even my family.

What I call my two successful eating attempts, salt & vinegar crisps and plain white bread, took many tries over a year or more. I don’t even remember how many times I put one of the above in my mouth and had to spew it out. Bread was the most frustrating to learn to eat, I can remember every time I managed to swallow it and for it to be brought back up by some bad sensation in my mouth. I found a way of helping me cope while trying something new but it came at a price, a personal cost. I've always felt I would do anything to be able to eat normally I still feel bad about it whenever I using it.

Catch 22

2007-06-07T23:04:00.000+01:00

My eating is now at point where my diet, for almost 19 years since aroud age of 5, has consisted 99% of dairy milk chocolate (about 400g-500g a day) and water. There has been little or no variation up until about 1996/1997 where I started eating salt and vinegar crips. I've probably averaged about 150g a day of those since then. Although I've had the eating problem since I was very young (less than a year), I was eating a fairly healthy breakfast but stopped at around age 5 when I got sick and never went back to eating it. I've made progress since then but really its been only small compared to my goal of being able to eat out with other people in a relaxed way.

The catch 22 situation I feel is that I have not made many friends due to me being afraid of their reactions but at the same time I think I would be eating more food types if I went out with friends and encountered food in a average/normal relaxed way.

Other people's stories 2

2007-06-06T20:32:00.000+01:00

The BBC recently did a tv series called Freaky Eaters which had a few people who had very similar eating problems to mine. What struck me most was how little their eating problems had effected their social life. For me, mine has caused me to be always shy away from people especially during eating times/meals. I have only had a few friends growing up but none really new about my eating, other than I appeared not to eat much. I would love to be able to go out and not worry about it, but people always remind me about how different I am to them and it always pushes me away.

Reactions

2007-06-05T14:38:00.000+01:00

My eating condition has led to a stumped social existence/social life. I have had very few friends since child hood and none have ever been close, as I’ve never told them. In fact up till now I’ve not told anyone, the only people who know about my condition is my immediate family. A recent but momentous event for me was telling two people at work about my condition. The first person was told in a relaxed and friendly way and the person was understanding and I felt quite relieved to have finally told someone. Yet at the same time I was very very frightened, I had let someone into my life; albeit in a very small way. I don’t know the person very well but still they know one of my inner most secrets.

The second person was told in a stressed environment when they were pressing me to eat from a buffet for a person, who was leaving. I told them in an attempt to get them off my back. Their reaction was more of a reaction I expect from people, they thought I was a “strange one” as they mentioned someone else they knew who had eating difficulties. These reactions have caused my closed social life and keep me to live in my own world. I fear people generally won’t relate or understand (or even try) and may even mock/make fun of me.

Other people's stories

2007-06-04T17:48:00.000+01:00

The Manchester Evening News has an article from May 2004 about a girl with a similar condition/problem to mine: The girl who can only eat chocolate. In the comments there are several people who have posted knowing of similar cases. Although the root cause of the eating problem may or may not be the same I do believe there are many similarities. The trouble is not only diagnosing the problem but finding suitable treatments.

The problem, stage 1

2007-06-03T16:00:00.000+01:00

My eating problem, or as I have started calling it eating condition, is simply my body uncontrollably expelling (vomiting) food stuffs that my mouth and throat are not used to or find too rough/strange. I continue to keep trying some different types of food but find it difficult to overcome the fear of vomiting, which is a horrendous experience for me. The most successful attempts for me have been the ability to eat salt and vinegar crisps and plain white bread (no toppings/butter). Emulating these achievements is basically what drives my existence.

About me

2007-06-02T22:57:00.000+01:00

Who am I? I am guy in my mid twenties and decided to start this blog as a place to share my experiences relating to mine and other people's eating problems. My eating problem is not anexoria or bulimia. But yes I do end up vomiting or throwing up. This problem has led to my diet, from a very early age, consisting of almost entirely of plain dairy milk chocolate. My problem is not the dislike or lack of wanting to eat food, my whole life’s desire up till this point and onwards is to eat “normal” food. But what is normal food?? It’s anything and everything, simply its what an average person eats daily. I don’t know why I have this condition but my best guess is that my throat and mouth is very sensitive still from when I was a baby (18 months old).

Growing up I always thought there were very people with similar conditions, but the more stories I hear the more I know this is not the case!

Welcome

2007-06-01T22:56:00.000+01:00

Hi! My name is Dan and welcome. This place is to share my thoughts about eating/problems habits about me and similar other people. Please feel free to comment about anything here.